Patrice Badami 0:02

 Hi, this is Patrice Badami with Acorn to Tree in the kitchen. We’re in the kitchen tonight with Coco O’Connor from Vintage Mama. She developed a website for women who had their first child after 35. She’s a musician, a web developer step, and a lot of tech-savvy. And she’s a lot of fun. And here she is tonight. Say, Hey, Coco. 

Coco O’ Connor:

Hey, everybody. Glad to be here. Thanks for having me. Good to see you again. Yeah, this is going to be fun because I always have fun when I talk to you. You know, so very relaxed, chill it if anyone hears anything in the background; like I told Coco, that’s my parrot Carmela, who has her own Instagram. She sometimes screams my son’s name; she’ll scream Nicholas. But anyway, if you hear that, try to dismiss it. And what can I tell you? Let me tell you a little bit about Coco here. I first heard she’s journeyed into motherhood at an older age and is a musician. So, how did that intersect with your career as a musician having a child after 35?

Coco O’Connor 1:07

You know, that portrays it was like the best thing because I want to I wanted to be as you know, Chrissy Hynde of the Pretenders like that’s who I wanted to be, and I just saw the Pretenders. It’s Third Man Records here in Nashville.  She’s always been, like, an idol of mine as well. She’s fantastic. I saw her recently It was an intimate room with only 200 people sold out. I was there at 5:30 with all the other, you know, crazy pretender fans. I was, like, two feet from the stage. It was awesome. So with that in mind, I was like, I’m not going to turn into some, you know, soccer mom or van driving Mom; I’m going to rock and roll.  Patrice, it fueled my most songwriting and productive creativity in this haze of just having a newborn. Like I would get up every morning, and I was like, I’m going to write songs, because I was just determined, like, I wanted to show my daughter, like how there was always this negative connotation with having kids and stuff, at least with musicians I would run around with and, you know, the engineers and they were all like, anti kids, for whatever reason, I don’t know. But it was just like because they’re big kids themselves.

Coco O’Connor 2:44

 There was almost this real negative thing associated with it. When I decided to go forward and just throw caution to the wind, I got pregnant. I just really, and then I had her. I wanted to show her that, and I might have had it inside the first record that I had done. After I had her, I dedicated it to her because I wanted her to know that, like, you know, chasing your dreams is the fun part. And it’s about the journey, not the destination, and that you just need to I just wanted to show her that. Life is not over when you have kids; it just begins. 

Patrice Badami 3:42

It’s a side note, I want to throw this in. I had a minivan, and I still played Judas Priest in it. 

Coco O’Connor

We had one of those that was awesome. But I like my favorite man because my husband likes cars. He’s a car broker. He’s always done cars; we always have all these different cars coming in and out of our lives.  

Patrice Badami

That’s so funny. When I was in college, I had my sister’s Firebird formula. It was the year after the bird had the hood, and I had the coconut scent and sheepskin seat covers. But anyways, no, but you have to hold on to some of that part of yourself. You know for me, it’s jewelry making. I’ve made jewelry throughout having all three kids, I always made jewelry, and I’ve always done crafts and things like that. And it’s funny because before having my daughter, the last one here, I didn’t like tech and didn’t do very well. It was intimidating. But now I have a website. And I do a lot of stuff on the side. I make and design fabric, T-shirts, and writeg books and things like that. It ended up being something amusing. She inspired it when COVID hit, I couldn’t have her sit there while I was trying to navigate the internet to find resources. So that’s why I put it together. 

Coco O’Connor

 But yeah, they’re, they’re an inspiration. 

Patrice Badami

I tell her all the time that she’s the reason that I developed; I wouldn’t have developed that. Why would I have developed an educational website when my other kids are in their 20s? 

Coco O’Connor

That was the what was the motivating factor behind starting Vintage Mama.

Patrice Badami

Was there a specific moment you realized you needed a space catering to older moms? 

Coco O’ Connor

Like you, music has led me or my desire to get my creativity out to the world. My daughter has taught me a lot of life skills. That’s why I would have never done what you’re saying otherwise, right? Like, I would have never learned this tech stuff. And quite frankly, it’s enabled me to have a trade. That’s been, you know, good, good to me, for those skills. I mean, I’m self-taught and everything. And I’ve worked with Patrice and people from MIT. And, like, brilliant people, I’m not one of those people.  I’m just self-taught. And, so I put my desire and creativity to get it out there music I always like to say music is always it for some, like my friend, my really good friends, and Eros. She’s ancient, she’s Native American, she’s a beautiful, beautiful soul. She always told me, you know, your gift will make a way for you. And a lot of times, they love that, that’s your gift will make a way for you. And it’s scriptural. And she says, and often we have our idea of how that’ll look, how our way will look or how it will come about. But I will tell you, Patrice, just a couple of weeks ago, I reflected, I told my husband, I’m like, you know, once again, music has opened the door for me, not as an as like, you know, how I would think, Oh, I’m singing in front of people, or I’m performing in front of people, I’m doing that or my songs or whatever. No, it did this other thing that, you know, It is somewhat even better because it allows me to, you know, be home. I don’t have to be out on the road all the time traveling away from my daughter, and I get to be, you know, with her growing up. So yeah, I can honestly say that we must be open-minded even though our gifts make way for us. 

Patrice Badami

And we have to; that’s completely what I’ve been experiencing myself. My sister told me, ” You’re doing so many things simultaneously.” But what happened was that by starting the website, I became exposed to different types of media and different concepts of working from home. And then I’m like, wait, yeah, I could try that. I could try this. And then it started opening me up to design it. I like designing fabric and T-shirts, and it’s enjoyable. Yeah, all of it is interconnected, but it’s blossoming worldwide. I think it really is that, and it’s fun. And I really, my daughter said to me, when I have children, I want to stay home. And I’m like, that’s why I’m trying hard to make this work, you know? Because I would like that for her, you know? So let’s see. Can you share some unique challenges and triumphs you’ve experienced as an older mom and a musician? 

Coco O’Connor

 I don’t think, um, I mean, I don’t know, maybe it’s because I was brought up Catholic, but like, I think the guilt complex has been my biggest challenge because you never you’re always trying to even if you’re working from home, I don’t know sometimes I think like working from home, you feel more guilty because like you’re there. Still, you’re like, I can get sometimes, I think, a little more short-tempered, maybe because I’m trying to get something done, and that’s been a challenge. That’s been one unique challenge. 

The other unique challenge I’ve noticed, just like what’s just recently happened, is that my husband’s been out of town for a while. And I’m having to do everything pretty much right. And we don’t have the luxury of having grandparents. Both my parents are deceased. My husband’s dad’s deceased, and his mom is, you know, older; she’s in her 80s. She’s in North Carolina. So we don’t have that family-like cushion of grandparents to pick up my daughter. I’m independent and don’t like asking anybody for anything. So, some scheduling conflicts came up, and she needs to be at ballet because she missed last week. After all, she wasn’t; she was sick. And so they’re strict about that. And I’m like, I don’t want her to miss tomorrow.    I just kept racking my brain, like waking up in the middle of the night, like, what will I do? Because I can’t do this, I can’t do that. Then I felt like, you know what, I’m just going to ask for help. And so I asked one of her, one of the moms in her class, who I’m not, I wouldn’t say I’m friends with, but you know, there’s that mom thing, right? So I asked another mom, “Would it be possible for you to pick her up from school and just drop her off at the studio?” It was hard for me, but I did it. I had to do that today.

That was a big thing for me, Patrice, like it was, Oh, I get it. And I want to touch on what you said before because you can relate to it. You mentioned it.

Patrice Badami

 My daughter doesn’t have grandparents either. So, you know, it’s hard. But what’s interesting, you know, it’s problematic that they’re not there to help, but they’re not there. They’re in heaven. So the thing is, is that she said something to me, which I thought was so interesting because a friend of hers does have grandparents, but they’re very sick right now, both of them, and she said, You know what, I know that my grandparents are angels. And she said I feel bad for my friends because they’re very sick. And she has to watch them go. Whereas I know they’re already angels. And I said that was really kind of deep because that’s one of those things that, as an older parent, you struggle with. You feel like my child’s grandparents aren’t going to be in my child’s life very long because either they are very elderly or they are sick, or in my case, they already passed away.  But you know what, you can’t look at it that way. Because if you look at it that way, you’ll never sleep. 

You know what I mean? The whole thing with guilt does hover; you just have to push it away and then just do stuff with it and not think about it. Because, you know, it is what it is, you’d have to know. And now you have to just, you know, but I get the whole asking for help. It’s hard. Yeah, it’s hard, but sometimes just for your own, so you can move forward with what you need to do. You have to, and you know, sometimes people say, hey, if I ever if I can ever help you? Yeah. And then, you know, if they’re disingenuous about it, you take him up on it? Well, for the most part, people do, they’ll help Yeah, if they say it, for the most part, they’ll help you. And you should let them do that and say, you know, what you’re doing is allowing her to go to the class and not have you be stressed. So that’s how you have to look at it. So that’s what I would say about that.

As someone who wears multiple hats, a mother musician, and now a website owner, how do you find balance in your life? Like for yourself? How do you set to yourself? 

Coco O’Connor

You know, I said for myself with putting systems, I’m a Systems girl for trees, so like, what I like to do is like, even with my websites, projects, or whatever, if I can get it to where I can implement systems, maybe a VA course or something, some process I process deeply for everything that can be implemented if you can figure it out. So I like to put in little systems, like little machines that will be able to run if I’m not there, right? So that’s the goal for me. 

Patrice Badami

Are you kidding me? That’s like that’s what I’m hoping to make things passive like you hear this term passive income, you hear it, but people don’t understand the whole thing with the passive income. 

Patrice Badami

There are moms out there, maybe older moms, maybe not. But they want to know how to do these things. And the thing about it is there’s a lot of prep work. 

Coco O’ Connor

It’s like having a Thanksgiving dinner. It takes a lot of prep. And then once it’s done, you can, but yeah, it takes a lot; it doesn’t just happen; you have to set up the tech part, come up with whatever item you’re trying to use as part of the passive income, whether it’s, you know, creating something, whether you have like, for example, a course a book, whatever it is, it takes time, and you have to think through the monetization part and think through the taxes, and how is this going to work out royalties.

Patrice Badami

It takes time. But if you do the research and watch the videos on YouTube, you can learn a lot. I like to watch videos, even Instagram, and I listen, grab bits of information from it, and then look up stuff based on that.

Coco O’ Connor

 That’s how I do, yeah, all the information is out there. And, like I said, I’m self-taught and all this stuff. You know, I didn’t know about it, I didn’t, I wasn’t born knowing about email automation or, or, you know, monetizing a website or any of that kind of stuff. And, and, it does take time, you have, I mean, I would say, and this is the thing, even as a songwriter, that’s a goal is passive residual income, right? Sure. What you’re doing before, then, you have to go through a lot of heartbreak or go through a lot of experience, years of it, before you can maybe write that song that will give you that passive residual income. And for the same thing with a course, a book, a site, whatever it is, it takes years. And I think that that’s one of the reasons, I think that a lot of times, because the internet, like information, is so there and we can get it like poof, instantly. I think that’s what nobody likes, like teachers or gurus or whatever they are; nobody tells you like this will probably take a lot longer than you’re anticipating. Yeah, that’s the essential thing. You have to pay for that. Absolutely. The bottom line is that you have to be careful. 

Patrice Badami:

I’m spreading myself out, but it came organically. I like I’m going to use that. Yeah, the one thing. I was like, wait, from when I started with Canva. And I’m like, wait, I can do this, I can do that, I can do this. So it all stemmed from that. But for the most part, you have to focus on, for example, Canva is a graphic design tool; you have to, like, look at that, figure it out. And then the ideas will start coming to you if you get the ideas of what you want to do. And then you’re like, how do I implement it? You’re halfway there. 

Coco O’ Connor

Exactly.  You know, the only way that you learn is the implementation, failure, or success of those. And I used to think that that was a lot. Honestly, everything you just said was a lot of, like, I just couldn’t put it into understanding in my sense until it happened. So people can tell you developing a website and having it become successful takes years when someone says that, you know, I’d like now it’s doesn’t just create the No, it does, because I created my website three times, right on three different platforms. Yeah. Okay, until it’s finally where it is. But the bottom line is that we will talk about this because there’s a lot of noise out there, a lot of information about passive income for moms who want to work at home or even dads. Anyone who wants to work at home. There’s a lot of information. Yeah, and you can’t get overwhelmed by absorbing all of it. What I do is I listen to it. How does that apply to what I’m doing? Does it if it does, I’ll send it to myself. I’ll email myself that post. Then I gather all those, and I create a doc, a Google Doc with all of these links, and then I write notes. Yep, that’s it. But it’s a, it’s a process, you know, it takes a long time.

Coco O’ Connor

It’s a thing, like, for, for, for, for web stuff or gigs that I want to get. I have a system for going to specific sites, I have a template that’s there. And I will have mainly the bulk of it done, but I still have to edit it or I still have to tweak it a little. And I just do that. And, and the thing about it is just getting it so that you can get some kind of process that’s, I believe, simple and duplicatable, to where even if you want it to hit, you always have to be thinking like, well, if I want to hand this off to somebody, you know, I always remember those. What is it? It’s like those restaurant shows; it’s like Shark Tank for restaurants or something. But the chefs, they’re always like, the great ones, like they have it, but the successful ones are the ones that can teach others to make their food. And they don’t have to do it, like the chefs that cannot teach delegate.

They’re not control freaks that they just like, they know. So, yeah, they know their mojo, right? Like, they’ve got their mojo, and they’re cool with it, but they cannot delegate it, or they can’t teach it. And that’s the thing is like, that’s just the hardest, like, that’s just not, that’s not the key to passive, passive, you know, income, it’s just not you have to do is you have to be able to know these skills so well, that easily explain them. 

Exactly, no, but I’m the person that, like, if someone wants to know something, and I know it from A to Z, this is how you do it. And I’ll be like, I’ll write it down. Yeah, but I’m not; I’m a very get-to-the-point person; I’m not going to talk for 25 minutes, two hours, about how to do one little thing; I’m going to be like this: how you do it. I will have this on the show in the next week or so. This amazing guy. He’s from computer geeks. And I love what he’s doing on Instagram. He’s not, he’s not, he’s sitting there, and he’s giving you the okay; this is one way you can prevent someone, or you can learn someone hacked your phone. And he gives you the step-by-step for people who aren’t that familiar. He doesn’t throw all these words with him; he writes it out. And it’s fantastic. Because you can see it in black and white, you can save it, and you can take this implemented. And he’s like protecting people; he’s helping them learn more about how to be tech-savvy, protect their privacy, and protect their finances. He’s amazing. And he’s going to be on in a couple of days. But let’s get back to you, though. I want to get back to you. 

Patrice Badami

So, how does your identity as an older mom influence your music? Or conversely, does your music play a role in how you approach motherhood?

Coco O’ Connor:

It’s all intertwined that, like you when you said that, I have this song called The Trophies and Tiaras and I Love You. So it’s some I thought it was just the first song. So usually, when you’re, when you start a record, you have a producer, they want to hear what you’ve written. And so I have a bunch of work tapes I’d written with other songwriters. And it’s just on an iPhone you go in, but there was this one that I just, I just did on my own. And I took it to my producer, and we weren’t even going to record. It was like, oh, let me look at the title. I mean, I love the title. It’s amazing. I’ll send you the link to Spotify so you can check it out. But it’s very personal. It’s authentic. And I just went in and did it, and like, a couple of tapes. He  was not even, like, correctly set up. And you can, if you listen closely, there’s like, in the first part, you can hear like my bracelet hit the strings in a certain way. Unknown Speaker 24:11 But it’s like, it didn’t matter because the vibe and the spirit, you know, the spirit, the soul is all there. And it was just like, Okay, well, this will cut. So it made it made the record. And, I mean, that was that was one. You know, definitely. Just the intertwining of of that. I’m trying to think of the resenting. There are a lot of songs that are not a lot, but songs, you know, are the ones that you just said, tell everyone the song’s title again because I want them to hear that. It’s that trophies tiaras and I love us. It’s just there encapsulates I mean, I just took my daughter and my son to tea, and she got a little tiara when she was sitting, and then she has a few trophies.

 And it’s just, and then just before you came on when we were talking, I got a Facebook memory of hers first day, as two years old in preschool today, you know, and I was like, it all ties together, it goes very fast. You gotta grab onto it. And there’s a song called Apron Strings, you must have heard this song, a string. It’s the same concept. It’s like, you know, talking about how children grow up, and  It’s a bittersweet thing because you see them getting older, yet you want them to grow stronger. And yeah, it’s beautiful.

 I love that title until we want to listen to that. Definitely. 

Patrice Badami

 Alright, so let me ask you this. Vintage Mama’s serves as a forum for older moms. Can you tell us about some of the website’s most popular topics and features?

Coco O’ Connor 

I say, for the most part, vintage mamas primarily. It’s a community. It’s for moms that   are a little sassy. Even though we’re older, we’re just a little more rock and roll. The but it’s, it’s primarily a community, and I have so many beautiful women in there. It’s fascinating. It’s many of them had a child after 40, and many women have had children in their 20s or early 30s. And then they have them later. And the dichotomy of the parenting and how things are so different is like, they’re, they’re sharing about that. So it’s exciting. And then, so primarily, what it is,  we’re building a community of Vintage Mamas, and it’s fun and school and, and we’re also bringing products to enhance vintage mamas lives, you know, older moms, that can be health and wellness. A lot of them like that. 

 We have the great hairbrush you have on your website. It’s our table. We call it the magic brush. Oh my god. I love that. It’s the cocoa brush, and it’s on the table, ready for tomorrow morning. She even brushes it herself. As a kid, I had long hair too. And couldn’t They couldn’t take the screaming, so they chopped it into a door handle, which was not good. I mean, nothing happened. But I’m like, I have long hair. Yeah, because I used to scream with the brushing. That’s the tough thing. My daughter, too. She’s She still has long hair. I mean, I think I’m on I think on the website vintagemamas.com. So if you go there, it’s all there’s T-shirts or stickers. And there’s there’s the the magic brush. And yeah, I have a video of her friend Hadley, who came over after Field Day last year. And she used it because she didn’t have a brush. And I was like, I’ve got tons of brushes. 

Coco O’Connor

I captured a video of her brushing her hair, which was authentic and terrific. Because she was like, Wow, this doesn’t even hurt, you know? Exactly, like cool. So yeah, just products like that can make our lives a little easier, make us healthier and stronger. Take less stress, just whatever. We’re just bringing the T-shirt, and you know, it’s pretty cool. We have a monthly t-shirt club, so it varies from sarcastic housewives will put on there to this month, which is like the 80s and 70s TV moms that are all like in TVs. It’s cool. Like you, let’s watch the Brady Bunch, and Peg Bundy, you know, you’ve got like, it’s cool. 

Patrice Badami

It’s like you said, it’s creative, you know? Absolutely. And with the technology, you know, like, I don’t have to.

 Coco O’ Connor

I don’t have to carry much inventory because of the print. There are all the prints on demand. Yeah. Now listen, I want to say this. I want everyone to hear it. We’re going to have links to Coco’s website. We will have links to this fantastic brush to see it yourself. And we’re going to have information about this t-shirt club, and then we’re going to have even maybe information about your music. Anything I want to share. You can Yeah, just Spotify. You can I mean, it’s Coco Conner. So we’re going to have that in the show.

Patrice Badami

I can’t believe it. We’re winding down. We just started talking. We had seven minutes,  it went by like that. Right. But let me see what I want to ask you, some other stuff quick. Let’s see. Um, all right. We already talked about a lot of the stuff on the question list. Look, I’m wearing it. I’m wearing one of the T-shirts there. Yeah. Oh, yes, yes. And I have those all over my computer. I put them on my iPad to the stickers you sent me. Do you? Alright, let me ask you this. Let’s see quickly. 

 Are there tools or strategies that have been particularly helpful in organizing your diverse responsibilities? Are there specific things you work with, websites or whatnot? 

Coco O’Connor

I work with I’m old school, I work with a journal. I write down even though I’m very digital. Most of my days are spent with a computer. But I will tell you, Patrice, I write down everything it is the best  journal. It is fabulous. And it has been life-changing for me. This prompts and stuff questions for you or so. So if you can see it, this is like, No, you don’t have to use all of it. So this is like the daily thing. You can mark your hours and start every day here with what you’re grateful for. This is key. The goals, the targets, what will make today great, a little free form here, the mood is down here. And then they have like little inspirational thing imitators, which sounds nice. And then there’s like weekly planning. Sometimes, I do this on mainly used, to be honest with you, the daily stuff because it is just a little; that’s the way I’m geared. And then it has the habit tracker. 

Patrice Badami

So you can, like, if you walk or you want to, do push-ups or whatever, like, you know what I was going to say I made for my website is a hydration journal. I’m telling you, listen, if I don’t drink, I get such debilitating cramps. My son said, What were you doing less than I’m like, oh, it’s two o’clock in the morning. I’m stomping my foot on the ground. I’m cramping. But it’s essential as an older mom. And because I never experienced this in the past, there’d be times when I wouldn’t drink enough.

Make sure you’re drinking the water. And if you can’t drink the water like me. I’ve been using Twinings, which has this dropped-in tea made for iced tea, and it’s just an individual bag. So you drop it in ice water and throw a little agave, making me drink more. Oh, yeah, no. And then hint flavored water, I use that too. But if you’re not hydrating, you’re gonna get dizzy. You’re going to get these terrible cramps. And I’m telling you, I never had it till I was older. And I’m talking, it’s waking you up to three times at night if you don’t, with just the cramps. So, having journals, being mindful, and caring for yourself is very important. 

Because if it isn’t enabled, you can write down what you want to eat. Like you’re saying, I gotta be hydrated. I gotta remember to do this. Because you get that’s crazy. Our lives are critical. But

Unknown Speaker 33:19 Do you have a link for that journal? Is that something that you offer on your website? Please include that because that’s a beautiful journal. I love that. It’s broken up Patrice into 13 weeks. So it’s very cool. You don’t have like a big, you know, yearly thing. And you don’t I mean, it’s pretty cool. You don’t have to do everything in it. 

Coco O’Connor

As I said, I always gear my days off on the hours and what I’ve done because it helps to see what I’ve done. After all, if you don’t, you know, write it down, you actually see it, and you can see what you get something quick I want to share with you. Right Yeah, it’s not like it’s all like it’s a little more it’s not like a to-do list either. Right now, okay, because I have, like, I’m like, I don’t know, I don’t always write in the journals. But that’s a nice one. But I have this my son got this for me. It’s called the plan of attack. Today, this week. This month is the lifetime of this project. Most Critical would be nice. Not a chance. Yeah, I love it from Knock Knock. It’s a company called Knock Knock, and they   make some amusing little notepads. I will have some of those on the website at some point because they are so funny. Our time is up, unfortunately, but we will be back again. We love talking to Coco. Coco O’Connor is a Vintage Mama dedicated to women who had their first child after 35 She’s a musician and a tech person. 

Patrice Badami

 And she has just made a website that will have her back and all the links to everything she’s doing and her different projects. And you know what, Coco, thank you so much for joining us. It was the first day of school yesterday here in New York. So this is our second day of school. And it’s rough being a mama at night after the kids sleep. But it was great to talk to you. It was entertaining. I’m hoping we’ll get together again. 

Coco O’Connor 

Yeah, always a pleasure,

Patrice Badami

Alright, everybody, thanks for listening. Oh, once again to the Acorn to Tree Family podcast and the Acorn to Tree Video Series. So, have a great evening, and thanks so much again.