Acorn to Tree LLC was created by NYS certified teacher and mother Patrice Badami.
Patrice Badami has a Masters in Elementary Education and Special Education. She has advocated for families of special needs children as well as for her own children with special needs.
Acorn to Tree Learn and Grow was created to help all children and their families have access to free educational and recreational resources.
Today we spoke to Sandra Trew who is a Parental Coach. She is the director and founder of Getrealparenting.com. She has helped many parents and families navigate the sometimes difficult, often joyful, challenging journey of parenting. You can find out more about Sandra and Get Real Parenting Coaching at:
Call me: 07467054585 & 01908411575
Patrice Badami 0:02
Hi, this is Patrice Badami, with the Acorn to Tree Family podcast. And today I have a wonderful guest Sandra Trew from Get Real Parental Coaching where she helps you to navigate family and working and these difficult times are all dealing with. Here she is. Hi, Sandra. How are you? I’m so happy that you joined us today.
Sandra Trew 0:24
Excellent. Happy to be here.
Patrice Badami 0:26
Yeah, I think that you’ll be able to provide some insight into how to balance parenting children as well as career and just in general having inner peace and mindfulness. So what inspired you to begin, Get Real Parental coaching?
Sandra Trew 0:45
So first of all, I’ve been in the childcare business for about 30 years, if not more. And I started off sort of in childcare, working in nurseries working as a nanny, working my way up to nursery manager. So I was always working with families no matter what situation. Yeah. So once I left that side of things, I decided to start my own business, and run my childcare business. So I think I’m about in the fourth or fifth year now, I started to see a change within society in terms of parents struggling with their children, even more so than before. So they’re not connecting with their child. They’re, they’re finding it difficult on a day to day basis, really sort of basic everyday things that parents are doing. There’s always some sort of argument. Getting up in the morning is a big deal. You know, it’s always a mad rush before you get out the house, there’s arguments when you come in there stress, and the parents are just feeling overwhelmed with it all on a day to day basis. So because that’s what I was seeing more and more, I then decided, well, you know what, I think I can help parents solve quite a lot of those problems, because I’ve seen it, as a parent myself, been there done, it got the t-shirt, so to speak. So I decided that as well as running my childcare business, let me do some parental coaching on a one to one with some parents, just to help them through, I then decided that I’m going to start my own podcast as well. So I can just give as much value as I possibly can. For those who can’t possibly afford coaching because I’m a person for everybody here. So you can just listen and take whatever tips that suits you. Because one tip may not suit everybody. Yeah. So I just decided that I’m gonna do that. And I got my name, Get Real Parental Coaching, because I am quite a direct person. Tell it like it is without the cherries on top. Yeah. At the end of the day, you know, there’s parents out there that I’m not going to understand all these big words. And all these, you know, dramatized the brain does this and the brain does that. Sometimes they’re not interested, they want to know, how do I get my child to stop doing certain things? They just want to know that Yeah.
Patrice Badami 3:38
They may not necessarily want to know why they just might want to know, how do I? How do I really implement these different tips that you’re offering?
Sandra Trew 3:46
Absolutely. So I want to just try and keep it simple. And parents, the feedback that I’ve had is they prefer that. Maybe not with everybody, but with me, they prefer that they get to know and you know, I’m quite straightforward. Talking as in this is what’s happening. These are the reasons why it’s happening. And this is what we can do about it, find a solution, give them a solution, give them some tools and strategies to help them solve their issues. So that’s where the name came from. Now, obviously, there’s a lot of parents working from home now. And that itself is a big challenge. And sometimes even I’m thinking I’m not even sure how you’re managing all of that on a daily basis, especially depending on the child’s character, the child’s age, the child’s personality, because if you’re talking about a little toddler who’s just wants to run around and a beat, they want their their mom dad’s attention. They can probably switch off for a little while, but they want their attention cuz it’s about managing yourself, managing your time, prepping as much as you can prep, use your lunch breaks, use your little, you know, take breaks, I mean, they say, take 20 minutes break sprigs anyway, from your from screen, just, you know, does your eyes in your back in, you’re not in a comfortable chair, and all of that anyway, so you’re gonna have to be able to plan that’s gonna help, it’s not going to make it easier, it’s still gonna be hard. But at least you know, if you’ve planned your day as much as you possibly can, you know, you’ve got a break coming up. So you connect with your child. And you know what a lot of parents still put their children in daycare. If your child is at school, and you drop off your child at school, and you come home, you’re all good to go. Right? If you’ve got one child at school, and you still got another younger version of that home, then this is where it gets difficult, you know, to the point where you have to sort of think about whether now’s the time, whether you can even continue working.
Patrice Badami 6:14
Right, I thought one of the things I’d like to ask you about is it’s not just from my perspective, as I have a six year old. So from my perspective, I find that what’s really another thing we can discuss concerning how you manage all of it when you don’t take care of yourself. So something that I think is really important is, you know, you can learn tips on how to help with, you know, dissolving different behavioral issues with your child and moving forward into a more mindful place. But if you’re not nourishing yourself, if you’re not taking those breaks, if you’re not exercising, like I’m not, I admitted it, that’s what makes the stress go up further. So you have to release the stress in yourself. Just like when you’re on a plane, right? And they say yeah, mask on yourself first. Yeah, how to make sure that in this whole process, you incorporate taking care of yourself,
Sandra Trew 7:12
That is 100%, whatever you do, wake up extra early, when the kids are still sleeping and do your little yoga, do a little meditation, have your little breathing exercises, people might think of that, well, oh, that’s a load of rubbish, you know, at the end of the day, but have you tried it? You know, you need to try these things. Because I didn’t think that breathing helped, breathing got to do with my child running up and down. But I knew that now, not even now, but when my children were younger, and they will be created. And I thought you know what, before I get into this, this state of mind where it takes me up to like 10 levels upwards of being angry and shouting, I’m going to breathe, I’m going to count to 10 inside, and I’m going to take my deep breaths, that now taking those deep breaths, gives you thinking time, no, okay, I’m taking a deep breath, what am I going to do next? Let me just relax myself first. And then let me go to the next thing. What I’m gonna do now by time you’ve gone to the next thing, you’re not way up there, you’re calmed right down, you’ve calmed right down. And then you can find your solution, your problem, in a different perspective, you could look at it from a different light. So where you were just about to go in all guns blazing, you stopped, you’ve taken that breath, you calm yourself down, you can now talk,
Patrice Badami 8:48
Right. So what I like is the fact that what you mentioned before, I think is really helpful is that with your podcast, you’re going to be able to have a person who perhaps, you know, they’re from home maybe can’t afford the actual counseling, but they can still benefit from listening to your podcast. So you’re actually going to be facilitating people who can come and see you or who can do a zoom meeting with you. And you’re also going to be helping people who are listening to the podcast on a regular basis. So you’re going to be able to reach a lot of people and help a lot of people. What is another suggestion you might have for parents to find resources in their town to help them and to help them find support locally? That’s part of your, you know, your plan to help people manage better.
Sandra Trew 9:33
Yes. So as we were talking about before, a podcast is one of them. I mean, I can only speak for being here in the UK, right? Yeah. So we have Sure Start centers, and they are specifically built for maybe underprivileged families. Anybody can go, anybody can go even if you don’t fit into that category, but there they have different professionals come in and can speak to parents, they can ask questions. They have workshops going on there. They have breastfeeding sessions, they have sessions for dads, they have sessions for grandparents, and they do all sorts of things and if you go there, and you don’t get what you want, or information, they will signpost you to where you can go and get it. So we’ve got the library that’s full of resources, you’ve got the podcasts, you’ve got your doctors, you’ve got your help businesses. So it’s about using the professionals that you know, that are out there. Right. And also using forums. Forums can help where you can, you know, sometimes people probably feel like they don’t want to speak to anybody, but they feel comfortable being able to speak to someone who perhaps doesn’t know them, but they can still get their answers and their questions right.
Patrice Badami 10:58
So, for example, they can go, they can try to find support groups on Facebook, I know that they screen, they don’t just let anyone in the last few questions to make sure that it’s an appropriate fit for their group. But another thing here in the United States, I don’t know if they have it there. But we have something called Meetup. And there’s lots, yes, they do have a sense. There’s lots of like mom and me groups, there’s breastfeeding groups, there’s groups for moms who want to exercise so they take the child in the stroller, there’s playdates, so that you can get out, move out of your own home, get in perspective, and you’ll be able to relate to other parents while your child is entertained. And you catch your breath, and you have a cup of coffee and that kind of thing. It’s important to reach out to other other families going through it, you can make some friendships, you can create friendships, for your children, and it’s just getting out of your own, you know, home or where you know, so that you’re able to get a different perspective on things,
Sandra Trew 11:56
Do you know what Patrice? When, when I am outside with the children, I think of things differently, I feel different, the children feel different, the children feel happier, so that when they do come back inside, they are on a level, they are calm, because they’ve got rid of that excess energy outside, and they still learning outside, they’re still learning so much outside, as well as inside because I think I’m probably you know, a lot of parents probably think, well, what are they getting out of that? Oh my goodness, 100% they’re getting loads of development being outside. And that is so good for your mental health, your well being being outside, you know, and, you know, we talked about who where they can go for help and resources. But also, as you said before, meeting up with people outside of the home, coming away from those four walls, especially if you are living in a high rise flat, where you have no garden perhaps that’s probably even more reason to get out. Trust me four walls can really do a lot of damage.
Patrice Badami 13:20
During the pandemic, we were out. Everyone was wearing masks on my street even as we were so frightened, everyone was so frightened. So we were still walking up and down the street. It’s funny how people open like everyone was so frightened that people who never lived right next door to your learning Hi, they’re waving. They’re just being very friendly. And I was like, wow we’re all unified that way. But another thing to keep in mind is in your area, for example, for me, I can’t always, you know, have her doing activities all the time, dance or soccer, whatever, because it’s expensive. So there’s a lot of rec centers and a lot of people have them in their towns where you can go and just play basketball just to get out of your house. If it’s bad weather, if it’s winter, you could play soccer inside, you can do all different things and some of these rec centers are amazing. They even have things like STEM programs so look into your local town recreation. There’s a lot of different places nearby in different cities around here anyway, that they don’t like programs or that are either reduced cost or free. Your libraries take advantage of the library’s because I did that the whole time she was little. They have things like 1000 Books Before Kindergarten, and then you do these programs and the kids get awards. But all different things are available at many of the different, you know, libraries here in the United States. I’m sure they’re there in the United Kingdom as well and that your libraries are a wonderful resource. So that’s a great thing. When it comes to having a consultation with you, how do people do that? What is a Zoom meeting? How do they do that? They will want to actually one on one meet with you?
Sandra Trew 15:02
Yes. So at the moment, it is a zoom meeting. Obviously, if they’re local, we’re quite happy to meet up. But at the moment, they are meeting Zoom. So what normally happens is I’ll have a 20 minute consultation call to see whether we’re a good fit. Because number one, if they are looking for counseling, you know, therapy, that is not coaching, they are different. There’s one or two things that do crossover, to be fair, but it’s not the sole purpose. So that is why that first initial 20 minutes is to kind of figure out what exactly it is that you’re looking for? What problem do you want me to solve? So once we’ve gone through that and think, okay, yeah, we’re a good fit, that’s fine. I will then send you a questionnaire. Now, I asked the parents to be as honest as they possibly can on this questionnaire, because that will allow me to analyze the questionnaire and give you the full facts of how to take the proper steps of what we need to work on together. Right? It will run for six weeks. And we will go through stages, step by step. You have one week , we’ll meet up once a week, but I do have my whatsapp, so I’m quite happy if they want to ask me anything in between. I’m not really so. So regimental that, only on that one day when we meet up that you can ask me anything, because things come up, you know, and you really don’t want to wait till the following week or weekend.
Patrice Badami 16:49
So they email you or they contact you with this WhatsApp on your website. Okay,
Sandra Trew 16:54
They can email me, they can WhatsApp me, they can call me on the house phone. I’m really flexible with that. So, you know, I’m normally by the time we’ve gotten through our program. In fact, to be fair, halfway through the program, they’re already seeing changes, right? They’re already feeling liberated, like, Oh, my goodness, my child never did that before. I could never get them to do that. But what I’m finding is where parents are sort of, you know, oh, my child’s naughty. My child’s not listening. My child’s listen. It’s not really the child. Yeah, a lot of the time 90%. It’s the parent. And that is why I like to work with my parents. Because when they change themselves, when they change their mindset, when I give them the tools and strategies to use, they then put it on the child. And they’re like, hold on a second, because I’m now doing this. They’re now doing that. Right, right. Yeah, I think that tends to be how it works.
Patrice Badami 17:59
Yeah, I think the first step is validation, in the sense that we’re all going through it a lot of parents are going through right now. It’s very, very typical. Like I said, Before, you have to nourish yourself emotionally, physically. Nutritionally, you have to take care of yourself first. And then, you know, find out what’s stressing you out, validate that, and then try to eliminate that once you identify what is upsetting you, then you can move forward. Because your child looks at you, they adore you and their children, they look up to you. And I get that. And so it’s our job to really be a model for them on how to respond appropriately. Because if there’s constant yelling, it does affect the child. Because then they become more behavioral, but then even more so they can either become a bully, or they can bully other children when they hear yelling all the time. And you don’t want either scenario. In a way, being a bully from being yelled at. You’re wrong. That’s also you’re so the child’s self esteem is hurt. They can go on and hurt someone else or so yeah, you have to figure out another way.
Sandra Trew 19:08
So I’ll give you a little story about that. Because obviously, as I said before, I’m a mother myself. And, yeah, I was a yeller. That’s just hands up. You know, I was a yellow to the point where my throat was sore. Yeah, that is how much I was yelling. And then one day, I woke up, and I said, You know what, I’m actually not going to yell anymore. Because number one, it didn’t change anything. It made no difference whatsoever. Number two, I didn’t want to have high blood pressure at my young age. Any other medical problems because of my shouting because of my stress, and I’m number three, I thought there must be a way that I can get through to my child without shouting because guess what? Working in a nursery school education environment, you do not do that you cannot shout, right. So why is it that I do it? myself? I work, no shouting, no smacking, no nothing. But when I go home, I’m thinking, and then it changes. Why? Because I felt that they’re my children, I can do what I like, I can control them, they need to listen to me. Right? Yeah. And, and that was that, not realizing that they have a voice, they have rights, they, you know, they need to be respected as individuals as much as you want to be respected. But at the end of the day, back in the day, it wasn’t all about that. You know, and especially you gotta go by your upbringing, that has a lot to do with that as well, that follows on through. So once I had decided for myself, because there was no podcasting or anything like that, to give me help and support. I just had to figure it out for myself. And once I did that, my house started to calm. I stopped shouting. There was a calmness in my house. It was unbelievable.
Sandra Trew 21:23
Yeah, I was just gonna say my son is very mellow. He’s a very mellow person, 23. And my daughter listens to him, no matter what he sees, if he never raises his voice, never. He just doesn’t. He’s very calm, he’ll just look directly at her and with a very serious face and say, Yes, so he gets it done. And so for me, I’m the one who needs to really adjust. And I created this jar that has butterflies in it. So when she behaves, she puts a butterfly, it’s a sparkle butterfly. And when she doesn’t behave, we take it out. She’s working towards something that she wants, for example, she wants to visit her, there’s a pony nearby, or a horse, rather, she wants to visit it, we have a picture of a horse. So when she behaves, she puts one in. So every day she behaves, and she doesn’t shout, and she’s not, you know, it doesn’t have tantrums. I put it in, but when she does it, she has to take it out. And we have stops on the stop sign when she’s not behaving, she has a chance to yellow. So she goes to green, adjusts, or goes to red. So that’s okay, very helpful in creating a stop sign saying, Okay, you’re starting to not behave, you’re not listening, you’re in yellow, choose where you want to go. Okay, and then that it’s giving them the choice to regulate and be self aware.
Sandra Trew 22:34
Okay, that sounds like a nice level system for anyone who wants to get on board.
Patrice Badami 22:42
Just a little thought it worked a little bit here. I think during the pandemic, it was difficult, but it works in general. So what’s in general, so in summary of what you know, the Get Real parental coaching. So there’s going to be podcasts available, you can also provide the coaching. And I’m sure that once people start getting into the habit of listening to you, they’ll be able to really learn a lot from your website. What other things are up and coming for getting real parental coaching that you’re going to be doing.
Sandra Trew 23:16
So I’m going to be doing some workshops soon. So again, that’s, that’s free. I’m going to be doing that on Facebook, I’m going to be doing that on LinkedIn. And I’m going to be doing a few more lives on both Instagram and Facebook, just for those who’ve got a couple of social media going on. If you’re not on Facebook, you catch me on Insta, if you’re not on either of those, you catch me on LinkedIn. So I’m going to be creating a few workshops. And one of the workshops that I will be doing is how to talk to your children about sex. Because this is something that I do not hear enough of. And I do know why? Because parents are feeling embarrassed, or they don’t know how to. And also, they don’t know when to. Yeah, that’s going to be up and come in. And I’m in the middle of writing a book at the moment.
Patrice Badami 24:24
So that’s great, what’s it going to be called?
Sandra Trew 24:28
So it’s going to be called? I haven’t quite decided yet because I’m, it’s about. It’s a children’s book. And it’s a book. It’s not even a book. It’s a story that I’ve been telling for years. So I just think it’s time now to put it down on paper because I see the children are really engaged and their eyes are popping open and can’t wait for the next bit. And this is all from my brain. Just making it all up so it’s going to be about a panda because I don’t know why I chose a panda. But yeah, it’s so this girl who I was working with, she couldn’t sit still. And I had to take her to school every morning. So I’m thinking, how am I going to get her to keep still on the train? People are going to work. She’s bouncing from one seat to another. Sounds like you know what? Let me tell you a story. So I started to tell her story. Just make it up as she was engaged. Now I bought her into the story. And guess what she did? And I use her name. She’s engaged even more. So you know what? She said? Tell her brother. So her brother, I told the story. He was younger, so I bought him into the story. Engage and love it when you
Patrice Badami 25:46
Children love it when you include them. When their name or or they are in a story. . Right.
Sandra Trew 25:51
Right. Right. along. I love it. Yeah, so at least I know that the book that I’m writing is for a few people in a wide age group, because I’ve already tested it.
Patrice Badami 26:04
I think that’s terrific. I love that. So you’re really moving forward with doing so many things, providing so many resources to families. And that’s just I love the idea of the book. Sometimes you can even do a video while you’re, you know, telling the book and that’s also another resource for children. I know that there’s a lot of people on YouTube who read books to children. And if you read your book and you show how children then teachers can get into that. That’s a great idea. I love that you can do like a video series. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, um, alright, so we’re, I guess we’re going to be closing up this podcast pretty soon. I just wanted to make sure that we had you once again, I want you to tell us the name of the website and your name. Give them your name, Sandra.
Sandra Trew 26:50
She was here today. Absolutely. Sounds Trew from Get Real Parental Coaching. So that’s the website that is the podcast as well. I do try and have different people on my podcast, giving different values so you can pick and choose who you’d like to listen to, to make sure that it resonates with you and your family.
Patrice Badami 27:12
Yeah. So you have all different specialists in the area of childcare amazing. Alright, thanks so much. This again is Patrice Badami. With the Acorn to Tree Family Podcast. Sandra true. Get Real Parental Coaching so happy she came today. Thanks for listening, everybody.
Sandra Trew 27:29
Thank you for having me.